I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
