I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
