i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
