I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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