Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
