you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
