1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
