alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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