I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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