I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
