You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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