the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize