We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
