Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
