I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
