Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
