note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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