If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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