Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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