Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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