I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
