Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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