So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
