Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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