I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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