There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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