How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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