i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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