these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
