Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
