So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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