you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
