You can't special order awesome
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
