Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
