so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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