Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
