i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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