Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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