fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She bit a glass in half.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
