I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
