GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
