She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
