i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
