she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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