at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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