i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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