im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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