You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
