Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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