"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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