A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
