he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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