Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
