Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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