I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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