update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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