i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
