My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
