Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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