Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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