jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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