I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
