the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
