have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
