Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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