We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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