You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
