I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
