Who did Billy Mays play for?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
