2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to jail i love you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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