There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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