He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are we still banned from the library?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
