You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
